My father. He just wants me to be healthy and happy.

Sitting in a restaurant booth across from my dad. I talk quickly, bubbling up and out, like a pot telling the world there is hot steam ready to come out. But his tone of voice is stern as he speaks to me about watching out for the liars of the world.

“They said I could do buy this house for very little dad!” I exclaim.

“Really? Well I bet you could never earn a profit from that house then,” he says questioning my new so called facts of life.  

My heart sinks a level. My shoulders slump. I am 25 and yet you look at me like I am five years old. Something tells me I could be pregnant with my third kid and you’d would be treating me like I like just came into this world yesterday.

My heart hums and the motors churn. Maybe I can trust him to keep talking to him.

“So I found some pot cream!” I exclaim.

His eyeballs almost pop out of his head. Which was funny, because his eyes normally set in his wrinkled eyelids, buried under gray bushy eyebrows and with a cynical squint. So it was quite a site to see them that surprised and excited.  

He leans in closer to me and asks, “Here?”

I look around. We are at Izzy’s. I chuckle.

“No dad, at a pot shop downtown.”

“Oh okay.”  

In the back of my head, my hurts sizzle away as I remember the generational gap between us and how different we really are when it comes to modern culture. The feeling was almost as enjoyable as reading a text message from him filled with something close to English. Because apparently English became Spanglish when you try to type it into a phone.  I have had my share of autocorrect mistakes, but nothing compares to a text message from this generation.

The next day sitting in my client’s home I had just cleaned, we catch up on the recent happenings in her life. Then suddenly her dog comes to me and paws at me to come up.  I let the fluffy little Chihuahua up, but suddenly I notice something terribly wrong. She is shaking uncontrollably. Sitting in my lap looking into the distance, she then she growls, almost barks. She wasn’t looking at her owner, but just next to her.

“Who are you looking at Chelsea?” I ask the puppy. Because the dog would respond right!

Her owner responds, “Oh it is probably my dad. I’ve caught her barking at that area before. My dad likes to haunt my mom too.”

My hairs raise on my arm and my blood pressure rises. I somehow stop really breathing very well.

“What puppy, do you want to tell him you’re the boss?” I ask.

The dog shakes and growls. More frightened then aggressive though.

“What would your dad tell you if he was trying to reach you?” I ask my client.

“Oh probably to lose weight.” she responds, while shrugging her shoulders.

I sit with my feelings for a little bit. I feel sad, not heartbroken, just defeated. I wonder if that is her father’s feelings.

“I think your father would say that he would want you to be healthy and happy.” I say, trying to encourage her and bring out the more empathetic side of what was her father’s message.

Such is father. He dies. But he still haunts his daughter. Nagging her, scaring the snot out of her dog.  Trying to tell her to be better and get all her ducks in line.

Fall

While I was camping last week, the rain poured down along with thunder and lightening. As Tylor and I were stuck in the cabin during the storm, it reminded me of the fall here in Washington. Then today, I cooked garlic in spaghetti and the scent reminded me of home.

Fall at home meant I was curled up next to the fire, watching the rain and the wind outside blow down auburn leaves, while I ate some home made dinner that smelled delicious. All these memories and scents are getting me excited for fall!

Fall always means new beginnings in school and church. This year, I am excited to start up leading in a ministry and helping in fall church events. I guess I like the cooler weather because it brings people inside together to get warm and cozy. Much like my husband had to stay close during camping to keep from getting cold.

Although this summer has been fun, I am ready for fall all it has to bring. Are you?

Free Stuff and Plants

This month has been pretty quiet so I am bored naturally, but I have been turned on to Craigslist and Facebook Groups where I can get free things! At first I wanted to adopt every pet I saw online, but you can't do that when you live in an apartment. I did find an amazing couch for free though! There is only so many pieces of furniture you can fit into an apartment as well, so what can I hoard you may ask? Plants!

My first plant that is still alive, might I add, is a hanging flower basket that is a piece of work to keep happy. I've been feeding it coffee grounds, water and I even added potting soil since it's been around for a while. The flowers are sometimes open and beautiful, other times closed or dead. The plant really is very temperamental.

My low maintenance plant that I just got last week is my new snapdragons. I bought three, put some cover with them in a new pot. The flowers haven't sagged or turned colors yet. I am hoping to keep it healthy and happy.

Knowledge So Far

You have to dead head flowers that die so they can reseed and bloom again. Coffee grounds are good, but in moderation. Egg shells blended are good. Epsom salt twice a month can be good too!

My hanging basket is still yellow in certain spots, so I am looking for ways to nourish it. I rotate it so it can get plenty of sun. If you have any ideas, let me know!

Anyways, that is what I have been interested in lately, finding free plants online and expanding my garden.

Hey Girl-Tylor Style!

My friend Patti mentioned that there is a Hey Girl Link Party going on. So I thought I'd join in at the expense of my boyfriend, now fiance, of five years. He is a pretty sweet man, so this was a pretty simple task. Enjoy and Happy Valentines Day! The best part about theses Hey Girl memes is that most of them are true!

A Rose

Late at night, in my semi-warm, little apartment, I have to ask myself,  Why do I burn the midnight hour candle Monica?! Then I thought to myself, passion. Passion is what keeps me up at night. Passion is what motivates me to better myself, my relationships, my work, and my life.

Some say that red is a color of passion, like how a red rose represents love, others I think see red and they think of blood, which courses through our veins to keep us alive. Still others I think see red as a color that could represent anger of fury. To me, I see red and I think of the Passion of the Christ. I think of Jesus's blood on the cross, shed for the forgiveness of my sins, and it reminds me that there was one man, one perfect man, willing to die for me so that I might have life and hope. I grew up with pink walls though in my room, so here is a pink rose!

Credit: Suzie Rose

According to http://www.almanac.com/plant/roses, you should plant roses where they will receive a minimum of 5 to 6 hours of full sun per day. Roses grown in weak sun may not die at once, but they weaken gradually. Give them plenty of organic matter when planting and don’t crowd them.

Recently, I feel like I have had a heart transplant. Now, I have no idea how that actually physically feels to go through  surgically, but what I do know is that I have begun to let in important people into my heart. After suffering from what I think of as a dark fall, dark past, and rough couple of years, I now have a renewed sense of passion in my life to better myself, my relationships, my work and my life. I am looking forward to getting married and in thinking about my wedding colors, flowers, and decorations, I have begun to think about what matters to me! But what matters to me isn't having the perfect color, flower or decoration at my wedding, what matters to me is that my wedding party is happy on that day and that I am happy, because I am marrying the one I have chosen to love for the rest of my life.

Having overcome doubt, pain, fear, and finding faith, hope and love, isn't an easy process and I think I will have to go through it every day for as long as I live. At least I know though, that each night, when I go to sleep, tomorrow when I wake up, God in his infinite wisdom, will have the sun rising again, over the mountains, over the highway, over my place of work, and his grace and mercy will be ready and available for me to receive, and like a father with open arms, I'll run to Him like a daughter or princess running to her king, because I know, that he paid the ultimate sacrifice for me.

11 Odd Questions

This is a challenge from my friend Patti. These questions were posted on her blog which is simply divine.

1) Do you hit the ground running when you first wake up or are you slow to warm up? I hit the ground running! I usually give myself 20 minutes from the time I wake up to the time I am out the door.
2) What is your favorite movie of all time? The Notebook because I believe it en captures the love story I am going through. The last half of the movie will hopefully be the next half of my life.
3) What is the best vacation you've ever taken, and why?
I liked going to Hawaii and going snorkeling. I got to see coral, dolphins, large fish and taste pineapple ice cream.
4) Do you have a hero in your life? Who and why? God is my hero because he won't give up on me.
Patti is my hero because she has stuck by her man. Tylor is a hero because he has stuck by me.
5) Cat person, dog person, or other?

Cat person. Purrrr, dogs are kinda intimidating. Cats are gentle and they like to sleep. So they are like me.
6) Favorite subject in elementary school?
English! I love words. My second favorite would be technology.
7) What is your favorite kind of food?
Chicken nuggets. I know its gross, but its what I grew up on. Nuggets and ketchup!
8) If you could ask God for ANYTHING what would it be?
If he could give me some heat in my apartment to keep warm.
9) What do you like to do in your spare time? Don't have
any? Pretend. I like to curl up and read a good book and drink some hot chocolate or tea.
10) What helps you get your creative juices flowing?
Journaling or day dreaming.
11) What genre of book do you tend to read the most?
 Right now I am reading Cake Boss and I am learning about business, life and cooking.

My questions for you are:
1. What is your source of heat in your house?
2. Is that heat source expensive?
3. Which one do you like best? Hummingbirds, dragonfly's or butterfly's?
4. If you could be free from one thing what it would be?

Bringing Hope To the Suffering

Acknowledging that there was pain in my life was a tough realization to come to last year. But last year I had to start over and take a hard look at myself. In September 2011, I found myself living at home, working part time, scrounging for money, barely being able to hold onto the idea of hope, and running (in the literal sense) from any pain I might possibly feel while living out my life.

I think it was fair to say that while I did have a home, friends who had a home that let me in and a boyfriend whose family welcomed me into their home, I had my bags packed and was ready to run. It sounds cowardly, but it was the sad truth.

Granted I still struggle with communicating and responding to people, rather than just reacting, fixing, and fleeing from painful situations. But in July, 2012, after graduating from a year at Freedom Session at Faith Assembly of Lacey, taking a self employment business class that taught me how to hone my skills as a professional, learning to budget money, and examining in my heart what I wanted to do with my life, I ended up finding, applying and subsequently taking a position with the Red Cross in Tacoma as a (Listener/Story Teller).

I also became a facilitator's assistant and signed up for an other round of Freedom Session. I am still the secretary for Lutheran Women's Missionary League, and I am going to be on the Board of Evangelism at Trinity Lutheran Church come January. Life and Times as my mom always says!

My Red Cross job entails bringing hope to the hopeless and alleviating suffering endured by those affected by a natural disaster or emergency. Just recently, I was creating a flier about our Holiday Giving Campaign and the graphics on it that were created by National, said Let it Hope, Let it Hope, Let it Hope. I just smiled knowing personally that for me, hope is the result of faith and faith is something I realized I had to hold onto last year when times were bleak. Faith & Hope is what I cling to now to stay sane and healthy.

After a year of getting to know my mom's passion for healthy living, I now leave my apartment every morning with a vi shake in my hand and vitamins in my pocket. I want to lose weight and know that I can if I eat healthy, drink my vi and exercise. I look forward to holding Challenge Parties at my apt complex's community room soon too. What I am really excited about is that I have my own apartment now (#B52, wifi is titled "Rock Lobster Network" and it looks like a pink bomb went off when you come in).


Life has suddenly become fast, furious and fulling, but I feel so incredibly blessed to be able to say that my life's entire work whether it be Mon-Fri or on the weekends is to bring hope to the hopeless and alleviate people's suffering. God is surely an amazing God who is full of grace and mercy and will use what you have been through to help others.